On the need to label ourselves

Posted by lapazfarm on April 18th, 2008 filed in Random Ramblings

Another contribution to the discussion on whether or not the “unschooling” label is accurate, helpful, or even necessary. This one excerpted from Wendy Priesnitz’s editorial in the latest issue of Life Learning Magazine:

…describing ourselves and our families’ lives via precise words is not about labelling, one-up-manship or peer group pressure. It’s about finding our tribe. It’s about identifying with like-minded people in a world of other-minded ones. In addition to our strong need to establish a unique persona, we human beings also have an equally strong desire to be accepted, to be among people who understand our choices, who accept us as we are, without reservation, and who support us on our journey.

The need to identify and be identified by a supportive community is especially intense when our journey follows a lightly trodden path, when we are taking risks. The need for nourishment from such a group of like-minded people is probably also stronger when we’re living in nuclear families, isolated at home with very young children or feeling the lack of the status that society unfortunately gives to those who go to jobs.

I think this could apply to not only unschoolers, but any type of homeschooler, because while homeschooling is becoming more and more mainstream, it still is a relatively lightly trodden path. Perhaps this explains the abundance of labels in the homeschooling community. Our need to label ourselves (and hence, others) is just a way of finding a like-minded community.

Interesting perspective.

6 Responses to “On the need to label ourselves”

jove Says:
April 18th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
It is. And I agree that the labels help us find like minded people. The problem becomes when we define “like minded” rather narrowly rather than expansively.

So to take your point that homeschooling itself is still a relatively lightly trodden path, why would some homeschoolers then define their tribe as only a small subset of that already small group?

Or, from another perspective, are we really incapable of supporting people who have made some of the same decisions we have, but who have made some different decisions?

The more precisely you define who is in your tribe, the smaller the group becomes. And that isn’t always a good thing.
lapazfarm Says:
April 18th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
True, Jove, and I think we can support even those to whom we are polar opposites in the homeschool continuum. And not just other homeschoolers, but public and private schoolers, too. Really, we are all in this thing called “life” together.
But we can’t ignore that there is also a need for intimacy. A need to find a close-knit group of folks who just “get” what you are saying, feeling, or doing. Your “go-to” group that you run to when you need support without judgment or explanation because they are right there with you.
Labeling ourselves may just be an attempt to help us to find that close-knit group. Not so much a weeding out as a gathering in.
The thing is not to limit ourselves to that group all the time, but to be more expansive or inclusive at times, too, lest we find ourselves isolationist or “exclusive.” Those are definitely not helpful to us or anyone.
shaun Says:
April 18th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I clicked on “post a comment” to say just what Jove said!

I think it must come down to your personal experiences. I have at times (IRL) felt saddened and alienated by people who have dismissed some of our choices as “too schooly.” Sometimes I feel I have to apologize for sending our daughter to school for a year and a half before choosing to homeschool! I feel I am supportive and curious about most all ways of schooling (in fact, my husband has criticized me for having a mind that is “too open”!), so I don’t feel that I or my interlocutors are well served by these distinctions.

I remember conversations about attachment parenting with other AP parents — how long did you nurse? Would you *really* call nursing less than 2 full years extended nursing? Do you use cloth? Well of course you do, but do you wash your own or use a service? Do you sew your own? Why would anyone use a stroller when they can use a sling? (Um, because my 4 month old is 25 pounds of dead weight strapped to breasts the size of zeppelins?)

In short, my personal experience — and again, I am trying to emphasize my IRL experience and not comment on any bloggers — has been that these increasingly narrow labels become standards for judging and means for exclusion. Maybe because (as I said in a recent post) I find myself straddling various types of groups that don’t always fit well together, I feel like I fail a lot of litmus tests! To meet my own need for intimacy, I have found that I need to look past some of the smaller distinctions and look for larger commonalities, or I would be a lonely homeschooler indeed. I am open (too open?! ) to the possibility that for others these labels have led them to finding a wonderful support group.
lapazfarm Says:
April 18th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Excellent points, also, Shaun!
I guess I really can see it both ways.
Like you, I really despise all that divisive stuff and think it is more important to seek commonalities. But I can also see the need to differentiate once in awhile, too.
Great thoughts to ponder!
Kristie Says:
April 21st, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Jove you said it so well. At the same time I agree with Theresa that there is a need for intimacy that isn’t always found in the larger support group. For example, here where I live, I have found a group of fairly relaxed homeschoolers. However, if I am at a point where I want to talk to people about a good artist to study, how they handle written narrations etc. I would be in a sorry state as it would be sort of like speaking a different language (this is when we have done more CM type stuff). But I do have a place I go that these questions would garner me lots of answers. Not that my larger group here isn’t a good fit for us- it is in many ways. But there are other parts of it that I need to find the smaller group to really hash through some thoughts, ideas etc with.

‘The more precisely you define who is in your tribe, the smaller the group becomes. And that isn’t always a good thing.’

I agree with this Jove. But there is a balance between supporting those who are travelling the less trod path without excluding them and recognising the areas we differ.
Sheila Says:
April 21st, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Interesting discussion. I live in a Canadian province where HSing is pretty mainstream, but I often find myself ‘keeping back’ information about our HSing routines, be it the fact that I am on a local Christian HS Yahoo group (the multiple & free field trips, the well-behaved kids) or the fact that we DO do workbooky stuff during the day, in the interests of not offending the sensibilities of the unschoolers we pal around with. They’re generally pretty darn touchy about being unschoolers, for whatever reason.

I’m not sure how I would define our own tribal affiliations. My time in academia has left me with a bit of a sour taste about making position statements, I guess. I know what we’re NOT (child-led, freeform, unschoolers), but I’m not sure I could say what we are…